Without a doubt, Aaliyah was unquestionably One In A Million for numerous reasons. I think almost everyone can agree, but what most may not know is, I remember early 1994, long before I knew what Aaliyah really looked like. I already knew I was in love with her.Honestly, my confession is Aaliyah was the first girl EVER to make it seem like she was down to earth and approachable if you ever met her, sort of like she was singing directly to me.
Aaliyah showed me that you can believe in fairy tale endings when it comes to love, regardless of what your homies, the media, and haters say.
At that time, I could count on one hand how many girls were actually saying, "Hey, I'm over here. Come talk to me please, I wrote YOU a four page letter."
And even if they were secretly thinking it, what good would it do since I wasn't and still am not a mind reader?
For me, what made me fall for Aaliyah was the fact that my love for her was already incorporated within the actual music including the beats and lyrical content.
I didn't have to physically see her at all because the music already had my heart, but once I did, if the deal wasn't closed before, finally seeing her beauty face solidified it.
The song I am feeling today is I Gotcha Back from Aaliyah's 1996 Album One In A Million.
Since 1996, my experience has not been as pleasant and has lead me to believe when it comes to dealing with women, most of them tend to come off, sometimes not on purpose, as if they are the epitome of supremacy or royalty, literally. A scale far from the side Aaliyah used to sing so passionately about.
In present times, its seems almost impossible to simply say hello without a woman thinking it could be something more. If you add the celebrity element you can forget about it!
In a word, Untouchable... Like, "What? How dare you speak to me." That is until I reply, "Oh, I was just trying to tell you you had toilet paper under your shoe."
All jokes aside, I can say I do understand why most women develop this so called queen-madam-ism mindset. Women get hit on so much, they don't know what to perceive as sincerity, B.S. or just someone being cordial so they feel they need to put up the protective shield no matter what.
What's interesting is a lot of guys, not including the obvious such as an actual professional photographer, automatically think because a woman smiles, or is being cordial, she is flirting.
In hindsight, the signal is crossed on both sides of the spectrum leaving both soldiers of love lost at sea hoping to find any type of navigational tool to find their way. This miscommunication is why mixed signal collisions happen all the time.
The problem with this particular communication error is that most women don't want to put themselves "out there" or send ANY signals at all, so it can forever be an awkward situation between a man and woman first contact.
Like I said before, in my mind Aaliyah was the first woman to verbally say out loud, "hey, I'm feeling you are you feeling me?" without me having to have my super S.O.S. decoder to figure out what her eyes were saying. Why yes... yes, I am.
In reality, even though Aaliyah's music was very personal and heartfelt, she still was a celebrity so any chance of me specifically meeting her was slim, precisely one in a million. There goes that plan.
To elaborate even further, how many times would any other woman besides Aaliyah, celebrity or not, reveal her true feelings, one chance out of a million? I know it is possible, but of course I have to ask.
I believe Aaliyah was on the right page and believed in fairy tales. She sang ever so passionately about love and showed it by not waiting for her prince charming to arrive but rather going to get him.
*I Am The Type When I Find A Man I Like,
Its On And Poppin, And No Stoppin, The Things I Do For You.
No Complications, Baby Keep It Real.
Do One To Me, As I Do, And Everything Will Be Cool.
When You Find Yourself In Times Of Trouble,
Remember That I'm By Your Side. (I'm By Your Side)
Lean On me, When Your Not Strong, Ill Be Your Friend,
Ill Help You Carry On.
*I'm Down For Whatever, No Matter How Ya Act.
Ya Never Have To Worry Bout A Thing, I Gotcha Back.
When No One Else Is There, With Me You can Chill.
You Know Somebody's Got Ya Back.
Because It Feels Real Good,
When You Know Somebody's Gotcha Back.*
(Aaliyah -I Gotcha Back)
After re listening to Aaliyah's music 15 years later as an adult, I have finally figured out I don't want to play this goofy game anymore.
I would like to digress back to 1st grade's simplicity: do you like me? Check yes. Check no. At least then you had a fighting chance, even with the "check maybe" occasionally thrown in there. I will say, I'm still trying to figure out where it got complicated.
If we fast forward to this complex, emotionless new era formula we call dating, men and women are both stuck in an enigma trying to find out if "I saw you, looking at me, looking at you, waiting for me to look back at you as we both look to the sea!" Confusing right? (some I.$.H. my dad says!)
After the extensive eye contact, flirting, and deciding to yourself if you even want to make initial contact, once you FINALLY have, here's the tricky part: finding out if you're even compatible all while making yourself vulnerable which takes lots of time.
The truth is, it really is a waste of time to not be yourself up front. By selling dreams and giving some sort of false hope to the other person, it will only prolong the already doomed relationship.
Now-a-days, with all the games being played between both men and women, for the most part it seems like everyone "just wants to have fun" for fear of being hurt.
Generally speaking, when you first start seeing someone, its usually assumed that the person you are getting to know is already seeing other people anyway, so why should you sit at home waiting by the phone?
Ahhhh, the trusty "I wonder what they are doing syndrome". Both parties don't want to be made a fool of, so they start to over analyze what the wise decision to make should be?
What I have learned is there really is no one person to blame or no finger to point for men and women playing games i.e. Girls taking the easy road saying all men are dogs, or guys saying you should never trust a B.i****.
The mature decision is for you to take every potential situation as a totally different encounter while maintaining your composure, being educated and aware of the past.
The reason most people fail at prospective relationships is because they let the last relationship dictate the next one. A person should never use a past relationship's pain solely as a crutch but more as a tool or guide for signs to be aware of while finding out great things about the new person.
If a person only focuses on the negative about their old flame they will never find the positive characteristics about this new found hottie.
I know its easy to say you've been hurt before but instead of pointing fingers, denouncing love, and claiming to never date again, its always good to evaluate the previous relationship by deciphering what you possibly did wrong, what they did wrong and how to make it better for the next relationship.
Yes its true, in relationships men hurt women and women hurt men. Its the nature of the beast. There is no particular gender, male or female, that does more "dirt" than the other. No particular gender, male or female, is worse than the other and no gender that has been hurt more than the other. Its equal. Hurt, pain, love, joy, etc all intertwined in the cycle.
Men have traits that are desired by women and vice versa. We need each other or else there would only be one gender. The way I see it, its a vicious cycle on both ends, kind of like photosynthesis.
I was actually hurt in my very first relationship, so my initial emotional reaction was to lock myself up and not get attached in the next relationship, therefore preserving my feelings while not being "emotionally available" for the next person. Of course this recipe is an instant setup for relationship failure.
After this scenario, my selfishness caused a rift sending that previous person into her next abyss as an angry, bitter person starting the cycle over again for another to feel the wrath.
Who was wrong? Me for getting hurt originally, or for incorrectly protecting myself to leave someone else to feel pain later on?
The truth is when both parties have that mentality (usually they do) someone is always gonna get hurt only to put a newer shield up to protect themselves for the "next time". Obviously this shield stays up blocking any type of potentially good person from having any chance.
If you can actually give someone 100 percent with no shield and know they can reciprocate the feeling that's when you know your mate has your back. After all that, I'm curious as to see when the cycle will come to an end? After all the Ying And Yang sign does make a circle.
In the end its simple, you have to go through hurt, pain and a lot of losers to realize when you get someone that is down for you to cherish them. You just will not be able to appreciate them until then. Until then I say keep believing in happily ever after.
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